Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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