Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is my gift to your gina
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
