Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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