Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
