Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We left the knife in your bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
