he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
