p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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