o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
