I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
