O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
