I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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