My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do herpes really smell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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