Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
