Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
