Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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