I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
