I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
