hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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