you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
