if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
