i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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