omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
