My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
