Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
