We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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