i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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