He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize