Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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