watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We need to rekindle our bromance
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
