i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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