plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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