cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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