You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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