dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
