the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
operation have a gay friend backfired
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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