Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
