I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
