Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
