remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Terrible idea I love it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
