dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
