The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
