Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have already put on my inside pants.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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