Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
