Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
