its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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