i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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