I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
