I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize