Swine flu. Run for my life!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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