You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
