So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
