i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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