Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
