one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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