I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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