Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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