I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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