it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
