I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There r osticjed everywhere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
