I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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