Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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