He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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