its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
