if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
