my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
