I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
