why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
