That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
