I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
