I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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